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Everyone knows I can’t stand people who say one thing and do another.  For instance, if you’ve been rejected because of how you look, don’t reject someone because of how they look.  Consider how you felt when you were told you didn’t fit a certain look.  Consider your feelings when you found out that what was keeping you from holding hands with a person was based on if you just had a different color of eyes, or a different hairstyle, or dropped a few pounds.

It also bothers me when a person says they’re fighting for gay marriage.  Nobody is going to achieve gay marriage by marching down the street in assless chaps with leather whips.  Your bondage gear will not make the Christians go, “Hmm…those guys deserve the priviledge of marriage.”  Keep that stuff in the same place you say you don’t want our government:  In the bedroom.  Not the streets of San Francisco.

Another thing I’m bothered by:  The “radical” or “fundamentalist” Christians.  Seriously, shut the fuck up.  If you believe in Jesus and God, great for you.  I live in America, on Planet Earth, with tons of athiests, agnostics and Satanists.  God has yet to kill off these people, which means it obviously doesn’t bother Him that there’s a few lost souls in this world.  And don’t even bother quoting the Bible to me.  That “manual of life” is over thousands of years old.  Tell me, if your car broke down, would you grab a manual for a 1933 automobile?  My point exactly.  Now, let the gays get married.  God won’t kill us all off if they do.  And if he does, will you go to Hell for it?  Nope, didn’t think so.

People, telephones are supposed to RING, not play computerized booty-bumping ringtones.  It’s not pleasant to stand in line at my bank, lost in deep thought while I’m behind four people ahead of me for a bank window, only to hear “Hips Don’t Lie”, your special ringtone for your wife (girlfriend) (mistress) (five dollar whore) (five dollar girlfriend) (Fido).  My phone rings.  My friend’s ringtone, albeit annoying, somewhat rings (it more or less chirps).  My house phone rings.  Phones RING.  Another thing that’s annoying is that crappy service that replaces a telephone ring in the receiver with some weird MP3 music.  Cut that crap out.

I swear, if one more person asks me to comment on their pictures or profile on MySpace, I’m going to go postal.  Stop being attention whores and go back to your Nintendo Wii, MTV and high school one-act plays.  You’re not going to get a cash prize for “most comments on MySpace in a day” or “more friends than Tom!”.  Nope, won’t happen.

Porn isn’t that great.  Seriously.  No, really, it’s not.  Why everyone makes a big deal about it, I dunno.  While not everyone can capitalize on it, we all have the ability to view naked people.  And we don’t even need a computer, a DVD player or even a TV.  All we need is the courage to remove our own clothes and a bedroom mirror. Yep, people, that’s it—I just gave you the recipe for home-made porn.  And get this:  Once you grasp that ability, you’ll always feel foolish looking at MPEG videos of two guys, two girls or two opposites getting it on.  Porn isn’t degrading. It’s not disgusting.  It’s an exposure into a natural human act.  If you pay $39.99 for an online service or $69.99 for a DVD of it, though, you’re fucking stupid, and you deserve to go broke.

Smokers know they’re killing themselves with all this poisonous crap.  They do it because they have self-esteem issues.  “Truth” and anti-drug campaigns furthur their resolve.  The answer?  Stop pressuring smokers to stop smoking.  What’ll come of it?  People will stop smoking.  It’s also a LOT more cost effective than multi-million dollar advertisements on the dangers of smoking.

Stop leaving your pets in your cars.  You wouldn’t like it if your dog ran into the grocery store for “just a second” and left the window cracked barely an inch.  So don’t do it to your dog.  Leave them at home with the central air conditioning and their favorite chew toy, because trust me, they don’t enjoy the back of your Toyota Highlander with their paws melting to the leather seats and their bones baking at 140 degrees.

Fathers, be good to your daughters.  Daughters will love like you do.  Which means, if you beat the crap out of them, they’re likely to shoot you in your sleep.  So do one of two things:  Love them, or buy a gun lock.  This goes out all the moms and their sons too.  Consider this a public service announcement from Radio Matthew.

Stop using the phrases “shortie” and “baby’s momma”—if you can’t say “girlfriend” and “ex-girlfriend”, you should repeat the fourth grade.  We all took twelve years of English so we could speak it properly. With that being said, the word is “whore”, not “ho”; “four”, not “fo”; and “floor”, not “flo”.  The letter “O” is not a substitute for a period—there are other letters, you are supposed to keep going.

Alright, that’s all I’ve got when it comes to going into 2007.  Happy New Year’s to everyone.